Alethea & Athena (double_dear) wrote,
Alethea & Athena

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Why come to the dark side when you're already there?

So today was stressful. It was kind of a happy stressful, but still stressful. We had to clean and stuff because we had our visiting teachers over, which was especially happy because their visiting teaching visit was yesterday, so this was just a social call, and not an obligation. It's just weird, because for so long we had had so little contact with people aside from going to church, and the odd visit to Mom's place some Sundays, and of course home and visiting teaching visits once a month. Then suddenly last week, all this social stuff started happening. Our home teachers came on Sunday, then we went to Family Home Evening on Monday, then Athena went visiting teaching on Wednesday, then we had Enrichment Night on Thursday, then we went out with Mom on Friday and Saturday, and I already mentioned yesterday and today.

And it was all very nice and friendly (except for Friday with Mom, but it started out good at least), it's just that it was so much at once after practically nothing. So there's stress. And then I want to cosplay a fan service girl, if you know what I mean. I want to cosplay her a lot. We even found the perfect shade of purple! We didn't think it was that bad, but then people pointed out that it might be, and while they were nice about it, and we know they meant well, our fear of being evil and hated surpasses all logic. Athena says that it's just really frustrating to think that something you really, really want to do might be the wrong thing, and I guess that's what the problem is.

So to calm down, I think, "I need to listen to happy music!" and the first thing that pops into my head is Yzak's song from Gundam Seed, which actually is a pretty relaxing song for me. But then when I pay attention to the lyrics, sometimes I'm not so sure about it. For example, one line translates to, "changing even hatred into strength." I mean, it's true that hatred can spur people on to do good things, but it's generally better to avoid hatred in general, right? And yet when I don't listen to the lyrics, it really just makes me feel better, which of course doesn't make us feel any better about the whole being evil thing.

Sometimes I wonder if we're just naturally on the dark side. Like when we have to turn off a CD of church songs because we can't take it anymore, or when we can't stop heckling the "Lamb of God" video. We really did try to shut up! Obviously not hard enough...

And now we're listening to a nice pretty Lacus Clyne song over and over, because she makes everything better and is definitely not evil.
Tags: dark side, gundam seed, rambling, social anxiety

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