Alethea & Athena (double_dear) wrote,
Alethea & Athena

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We're not in a good place right now. We have a lot of minor frustrations building up, and it's coming to an exploding point. A friend from church sent us a very friendly email, he mentioned Black Butler, we mentioned watching Chihayafuru on Crunchyroll, he said oh yeah, I like to watch it on YouTube instead of those messy anime sites, and we were like, "Palm, meet forehead," only much grumpier. So grumpy in fact, that I shot off an email that said, "You did not just tell us to pirate anime off of YouTube instead of watching it legally."

I probably could have been gentler. We think he can take it, though--he's pretty laid back. The problem is, we keep seeing little things like that that make us grumpy, and for the most part, they don't effect us and we feel like nothing we say will change anybody's mind anyway, so we just shut up and try to get over it. And sometimes we succeed, but we don't always have other things to distract us with.

A few weeks ago, at the grocery store, Athena had picked up a wide variety of catfood, because Oreo refuses to eat anything he's eaten too often recently. There was also something on sale that the cats hadn't tried before, and she needed more dry food anyway, and they had a new kind of treat on sale, and the point is there was a lot of different catfood. As Athena went to bag our items and I walked up to the thingie to pay, the lady who rang us up asked, "Did you find everything you needed?" Then her voice turned snide, and she said, "Find all the catfood?" At the time, because this is how I've trained myself, I just laughed sheepishly and said, "Yeah, our cat's picky." But I was furious.

It stayed on my mind for a while, and I started to wonder: Why shouldn't I be able to respond with something like, "Wow, somebody's in a bad mood today," or, "I bet you're a dog person."? None of those responses would have been very mean or hurtful (depending on the tone of voice, of course, but that's controllable (theoretically)), but they would have been assertive, and not passive aggressive (I think).

In other words, I'm starting to think that if something upsets me, maybe I should, like, speak up about it instead of just pretending it doesn't bother me and whining about it later.

Of course, we have come to this conclusion several times in the past. One time we were grumbling about something, then I realized that grumbling is stupid and maybe it would make everyone happier if I spoke up and we could come to a happy solution. So I spoke up and got lectured for being demanding. (Incidentally, the wording was, "I'm sorry, but this situation is uncomfortable for me. Could we change it?") And this is not an isolated example, although the level of politeness on our side does change. Like the one time we were like, "Yo, what do you think you're doing? Cut it out and be considerate!"

In other words, whenever we decide to be assertive, the reaction seems to be, "Shut up, why do you hate me?"

And so we crawl back into our cave and go back to entertaining ourselves to distract ourselves from the aggravatingness of the world around us.

Maybe we just haven't been getting enough sugar.

Today I'm thankful for the wonderful talks we had at Stake Conference this morning, having plenty of candy, Fresh & Easy having had a sale on cookie dough, still having some of that amazing Magnus ice cream, and having lots of manga to read.

PS: We have since apologized to friend from church for snapping at him. ...Then we explained how you can tell if something you're watching on YouTube is likely to be pirated or not. We just can't let up.
Tags: angst, verbal rampage

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