Alethea & Athena (double_dear) wrote,
Alethea & Athena

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Is there a difference between emo and angst?

Today our plans to make everything better by watching Gate Keepers while our roommate was out kickboxing were thwarted by her not actually going to kickboxing tonight. So instead, I've come to vent on LiveJournal, since venting out loud will be overheard and only exacerbate (ooh, fancy big word!) the problem.

When I updated earlier about how last night was not our night, I actually left out the thing that upset me the most, and the real reason I was angry with the world when I woke up this morning. See, since our cousin got back from his mission, he called once, and posted on LJ a few times, and then kind of vanished. We got his phone number, but we never called it because 1) we're afraid of talking on the phone, especially to people we don't know, and at the time he was still living with his father and half-sisters (whom we don't know), and 2) we figured that would be okay, because he has a freaking LiveJournal, the freak. So anyway, that's why we may have actually brought this on ourselves, because he's at least as insecure as we are, so our failure to call may have made him be afraid to call us. But I kind of thought all the comments we left on his LJ saying, "Dude, e-mail us!" would have indicated that we wanted to hear from him.

The problem is this: we figured it wouldn't be fair to keep the number from our roommate forever, since he's friends with her too and all. Long story short, she finally managed to contact him, and now he's been calling her. That in itself is not a problem, but when mixed with our lack of social life or close friends and the reminding ourselves that we were the ones that e-mailed him every week for the last six months of his mission while she was the one who kept saying, "Yeah, I really need to e-mail him..." and the him not even responding to our comments on his LiveJournal... it's kind of irksome. We feel rejected. And he probably doesn't even mean to be rejecting us, which doesn't make it any less annoying.

We were actually reluctant to give our roommate his number because we were afraid this might happen. She would call him, and since she has a cell phone and isn't afraid to talk on it, he'd call her all the time and we'd be forgotten and rejected again. I don't think it was a self-fulfilling prophecy, because we were able to give her the number because we convinced ourselves that, after talking so much through e-mail while he was on his mission, he wouldn't completely forget about us. But now it kind of feels like he has.

And we've been almost friendless the whole time we've been in Fresno, and we've managed to deal with it. But seeing our roommate talking, frequently, to the few people who would talk to us at church, who no longer talk to us, our lack of friends is constantly staring us in the face. It's true that our anime buddy will still talk to us, but she seemed to stop talking to us after Celeste moved in, and only recently started talking to us again. And even then, sometimes it feels like she's only talking to us because her new friend isn't around. And I know that's most likely just our insecurities talking, but that doesn't make it any less painful.

I guess the obvious solution is to make new friends. Easier said than done, though. We're hoping Final Fantasy XI will help with that, but we have to get to a point where we can play it first.

At any rate, I had mostly gotten over all that stuff by this afternoon, but almost immediately after she got home, she got a phone call. We were watching El Cazador, so I really should have just focused on that, especially since it was a pretty good episode, but I didn't, and it became fairly clear that she was talking to our cousin. So all those feelings came back. But that was okay, because she'd go kickboxing, and we'd watch Gate Keepers and forget about it and everything would be better, even if we did have to let her play Twilight Princess when she got home. But she was "too tired" to go kickboxing today. And so here we are, stuck in our room again. Okay, so technically, we're not stuck here; we could go out and watch her play, but please.

And that's our sob story. I guess we'll watch some more anime or play Band Brothers or something now.
Tags: angst, roommate stuff

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