August 28th, 2005


Shoot for the future...

Today has certainly been interesting. Nevertheless...

I'm happy to be able to learn new things! I actually have more to say on this, but I'm not feeling up to it right now, so maybe tomorrow.

I'm happy to have Yzak Jule's image song. We really do need to take a close look at the lyrics one of these days.

I'm happy to have Oreo and Mimsy.

I'm happy to have Bright Eyes. She's nineteen years old. One day I want to tell the story about when I got her, but, again, I'm not feeling up to it right now.

I'm happy for pretty violin solos.
  • Current Music
    Shoot (Yzak Jule - Gundam Seed)
  • Tags

We're bad, bad people.

So here we are, not at church. Normally this would make sense anyway, since our ward gets out at two (although I think we may not have quite made it home yet), but today we didn't go to church. It was a communication problem mostly, and probably mostly our fault. And while I don't hold anything against anyone, I am worried about what this might do to our attempts to prove that we are not, in fact, helpless. Oh well.

Anyway, we thought it would be a good idea, once we realized we weren't getting to church, to listen to Scripture Scouts, so we could at least have a little bit of church-lessony type things. We listened to the one about Alma the younger and Ammon and stuff. They kind of have a superhero theme to that one, so I like it a lot. It's probably good to listen to these, because they have some important messages, and learning is repetition, after all. I really wish we could do Scripture Scout plays again, like we did in high school for our Laurel projects.

When that one was over, we couldn't find any of the others, which was really strange because we know for a fact that we brought them with us when we moved. So instead we finally brought out the DVD of Grandpa's funeral. It was kind of a strange feeling watching it--Athena explained it like a feeling that we should be a part of all those people, but we're kind of separate from them. And I think it's probably not just because we were watching the funeral on DVD six months after it happened instead of actually attending.

We never really knew much about Grandpa. We grew up in California and he lived in Utah. And when we were in college, we were afraid of everybody, so we didn't visit much, despite Mom's constant asking, "So when are you going to visit your grandparents?" (That stopped after sophomore year.) Of course we'd heard stories, but most of the the ones we heard were told us by people other than Dad, who you would expect to be the one to tell us about our grandfather, his father. I kind of saw that same pattern at the funeral, when Dad seemed to kind of avoid talking about Grandpa, and said that Grandpa wouldn't want us to honor him, but Christ, which makes sense, but it still seemed kind of odd. Especially since Dad seemed kind of angry at the time. I guess that could maybe be chalked up to passion, or to another theory we have, which we won't go into.

I really wonder if part of Dad's insanity has something to do with wanting to be as great or greater than Grandpa. He said once or twice that it was his dream to be a child prodigy. He also really liked to tell everyone about a realization he had about a couple of scriptures in 1st Nephi, probably because it made him not only seem smart, but smart in a similar manner as Grandpa is so often praised for being smart. And I don't know if that sentence made any sense. Oh well.

To be honest, I have wondered, if Grandpa is such a great man, why are all his kids so messed up? To be fair, I think only a couple of them are truly insane, but I really don't know the details of anything, so I can't really judge. I have heard from Zina that she and Dad, at the time she said it, were the only ones who hadn't left the Church. Dad still claims to belong to the Church, but... that point is debatable. And who knows? Maybe he's actually stopped his insanity by now. After what we've gone through with Mom lately, it's not impossible to see why he so desperately would have wanted to believe the stuff that tore their marriage apart. Which also sounds terrible to say. Oh! And I think most of the kids are back in the Church, just not Martha.

I still don't know what I think about Grandpa. I know a lot of people loved him and looked up to him and stuff, and from what we heard at the funeral, and some other things we've read about him, we can kind of see why. And I do feel honored to be his granddaughter, and it makes me feel special when church history professors find out why we learned Japanese and compare it to why Grandpa started learning all his languages. But... I don't know. I guess we'll just have to learn more about him, or read his books or something. And watching the funeral, I did think, "Wow, we should read Grandpa's books." But I don't know how long the motivation will last.