When I got out, Athena was on my phone with Celeste, talking about going up to be with family. I picked up my phone and saw that I'd missed two or three calls and had a voice mail. Athena checked to see if I'd heard what was said while I was in the bathroom; I had not, so I didn't know what was going on, but I kind of had a feeling I knew what it was about. Athena said, "48 hours," and that's when it all clicked.
Dad had been fighting cancer for a few years, and now the doctors were saying he had less than 48 hours to live. To be honest, the feelings about this are very complicated. We kind of lost him as a father many years ago already, and while we didn't shut him out of our lives, there wasn't a whole lot of contact between us. He'd call us on our birthday, we'd call him on his and on Father's Day. Sometimes he'd call, like, to make sure we were okay when the whole state was on fire.
I also know he's kind of been looking forward to seeing the other side...an interest which played a big part in the rupture of our family. So on the one hand, I guess it's kind of comforting to know that he's not afraid to die, but on the other hand it brings up a lot of painful feelings.
Anyway, Celeste thinks all the sisters should get together for support, and we agree that it's a good idea, but we're not sure exactly when it's going to happen because of logistics with transportation and our other SoCal-based sister. We're also not sure how long we're going to be staying up north, which is going to make asking for deadline extensions a little tricky. I figure we'll work it out.
In the meantime, we're just going about our usual business, and occasionally wondering if we should have tried harder to patch things up with Dad. As scared of other people as we are, we can't really blame Dad for being afraid to try harder himself. I'm just grateful for my testimony that God knows and loves us all despite our weaknesses, and I can use this as motivation to get better myself.
Today I'm thankful for the good things we learned from Dad, my testimony of Jesus Christ and His atonement, getting to buy some daffodils at the store (and none too soon--one bundle is practically already in full bloom!), getting to play Splatoon with the kids, and getting to visit family soon.