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Alethea & Athena
Rar. 
7th-Apr-2018 09:34 pm
kyoya
Today was pretty much just rarrrrrrrrrr. It started out pretty good, because we got to stay in bed for a long time...although first, we had a certain cat who will remain nameless but her initials are Page, who insisted, at about the time our alarm usually goes off, that it was time for her to go outside, and she would not take "no I want to stay in bed" for an answer. But then we got to go back to bed and stay there for a while, so it was all good.

But then we had to face the fact that now that we had some time we should probably do something to care for our home, like sweep the floors or something, and we were grumpy again. Well, that was easily resolved by doing the chores (or at least some of them...), and we were feeling pretty good about stuff again. Until! Dad called.


It wasn't necessarily a bad call, I guess, I mean we were all friendly and everything, but he for some reason seemed to feel the need to make sure we knew that there was a time in his life when his life was basically ruled by toddlers and how trying that was. Personally, I think it's probably okay to say you don't always like hanging out with small children, even when speaking to your own kids with whom you had to hang out when they were toddlers, but you don't have to be so insistent that it was so trying. It's like, what, are you trying to get me to apologize for making your life miserable when I was a toddler? Grow up and get over it.

Ooookay, so public forums like this might not be the best place to whine about that, so I'll stop typing out the rant that Athena and I have been sharing for the last several hours, but I will say that it basically amounts to this. Elsewhere in the conversation, it was brought up that we have a hard time believing people find us likable at all, and so that's why we're so afraid of them. At the time, we were explaining why we have a hard time approaching one of our sisters--we thought she was the cause of this anxiety. But now we're starting to think that it was Dad, too. Like he hated being with us so much--he was never abusive or anything, don't get me wrong. He didn't even abuse us emotionally. But, like, maybe we sensed that he wasn't happy to have us around, and we internalized it and that's why we have such a hard time approaching people. And now here he is on the phone, saying stuff that can easily be interpreted as, "I really want you to know that I never loved you."


So then we let ourselves cry for a little bit, and then we had dinner, and it was time for the ultimate thing to make us feel better! The new season of Miraculous Ladybug on Netflix! Aahh, more of Ladybug and Cat Noir in its beautiful French glory...except. Season 2 is not available in French. What. They even claim that English is the original language, despite the fact that it takes place in Paris, and I know for a fact that these episodes aired in France last December. I imagine the children of France watched it in French. If they made the episodes in English "originally," then why did it take them so long to get them on Netflix after that?

We just couldn't bring ourselves to watch it in English, so we watched the end of B: The Beginning instead. And that just made us more grumpy. It wasn't necessarily bad, but it wasn't exactly uplifting and "ah, this gives me hope for my life." And there was a lot of, "Okay, I can see that you're trying to be really deep and everything, but what are you saying?" And the lyrics to the end song are super annoying, too. So we're just mad at everything right now. I don't know what we're going to do about it. Maybe watch the video from the Noragami festival.

Today I'm thankful for the grocery store still having salted caramel susans, king-sized candy bars being on sale, having a cleaner living room, Bananya being super cute on top of our peacock supervisor, and Page giving us some moral support.
Comments 
10th-Apr-2018 03:55 pm (UTC)
That sounds like a really hard phone call, especially coming so out of the blue (or maybe it wasn't, but either way). I'm very sorry. I realized gradually as an adult that my mom had had a hard time at some points when we were all young kids, and observing my own friends in their parenting I can see it's sure not an easy job, but she never expressed it in a way that made it seem like we weren't loved or wanted. And toddlers! What can they help if they're annoying or troublesome or difficult? While I don't know all the parties or details involved, this really sounds like your dad's issue and not something you could do anything about or deserve any blame for. And yet, it sounds like you are dealing with the consequences of his attitude in your own lives now :(

I always found you likable, since I first stalked your journal online. And that didn't change after visiting Japan with you! I really enjoyed hanging out and exploring together!

11th-Apr-2018 01:02 am (UTC)
Yeah, it was frustrating. When it was happening, I only got annoyed that he was trying to one-up us in the misery olympics, but after we hung up, it was like, "Wait, there was something very not right about that." Fortunately, we have a good enough grasp on reality to know that he was being unreasonable, whether he meant what he said or not. Unfortunately, we're pretty sure it is a factor in how we approach people, but it's only one of many, so now that we've had a good cry about it and were able to vent some, we're feeling better. Thanks for your support!

Aww, thanks! We think you're pretty likable, too!
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